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Posted by Dave
Rap News Network
3/2/2005 9:25:09 AM
Tags and topics realted to this article include Kanye West.
Former Friends star Aisha Tyler refused to wear hotpants when she starred in rapper Twista's Slow Jamz video alongside Kanye West and Jamie Foxx.
The 34-year-old beauty was excited about appearing in the music promo, but wasn't prepared to degrade herself by becoming a hip-hop stereotype.
She says, "My only condition was that I wouldn't be wearing hot pants. I'm not going to be bouncing around and shaking my, you know.
"There wasn't going to be any dropping it down and backing it up. It was still fun, though."
In related news, Davey D's web site posts the following article titled “No More Groupie Luv.“
“Unless you f*** a dude on his own merits
and not the way he dribble a ball or draw lyrics
you’re a bitch!”
—Jay-Z, Bitches & Sistas (2003)
Let’s describe a certain female: For her, it’s not enough to get the CD or see the show. It’s not enough to be on the sidelines for the big game. It’s not enough to get the autograph or the photo-op. Nope, this female is a groupie; and groupies can’t even spell “enough”. Groupies want the glamorous life Sheila E. flowed about; they want to be the Mrs. Celebrity Overnight (or the wifey/jump-off, at least). They want the shopping sprees and security codes. At a bare minimum, the groupie wants to get broken off with some of that good “SD” a.k.a. Supastar D***.
So the groupie does what groupies do: Follows the team, the artist or the actor. She goes to the show, does whatever (and whoever) it takes to get backstage. Then after the show it’s the afterparty and, after the party it’s the hotel lobby and… Next thing you know, out come the paternity tests, the lawyers, the hush money, the gossip, and tell-all interviews. The groupie has struck again.
Now I know I’m about to catch hate from a lot of dudes for this one, but it must be said: The Groupies have got to go. There, I said it. Lemme run that back: For the good of our community and for the good of our culture, the groupies have got to go. Now why must I feel like that? Because after years of hitting shows and years of running in entertainment circles, I’ve come to a conclusion: Groupies, whether they realize it or not, are carriers of three deadly venoms: Misogyny, God Complex and Future Hoes.
Groupies Promote Misogyny:
The biggest problem with misogyny is that it’s always been a two-way street. For every (real) pimp, there’s a hoe voluntarily hustling for him. Now I’m not letting brothers off the hook for degrading women—particularly black women—and treating them as disposable sex objects and verbal/physical punching bags. All men (brothers in particular) need to grow up and knock that crap off. It’s not masculine; it’s soft and weak. But with that said, the sad fact is, entirely too many women, are willing participants in this ugliness.
Whether we like it or not, we all represent a collective greater than our individual selves—a gender, a culture, a community, a family, a city, a country, an ideal, God. So when a woman does her groupie thing—randomly worships complete strangers just because they can flow or dunk, treats her vagina like a door prize, cockteases her way into material possessions, etc. she sends the message that this is what she, and by extension women are all about, or at least are willing to be all about under the right conditions. The Groupie lets men know that it’s okay to degrade and marginalize women, provided that you’ve got a mic or a ball in your hand or money in your pocket. The Groupie makes misogyny a game that everyone can and should play.
God Complex:
Everyone wants to be accepted by something bigger than themselves—their family, their friends, their industry, etc. Anyone who claims otherwise is in mad denial. But there’s something intoxicating about 50,000 people screaming your name or a million people buying a song young sang. And if you step back and think about it, there is something utterly insane about literally thousands of complete strangers running up on you in every club and every city saying, “I want to have sex with you/hang out with you just because you’re you.” That kind of worship and submission creates a God Complex in folks, men especially.
Now to be fair, Groupies aren’t solely responsible for idolatry and egos run amok. The media, marketers, etc. run that hustle. But if God Complex were a company, Groupies would be its street team—they’re the grassroots of idol worship and polluted perspectives. I mean, how do you tell a 19-year-old to stay humble when every girl in town is pinning their legs behind their ears for him just because he’s a guaranteed first-rounder or just went platinum? How can an emcee see himself as anything less a ghetto deity when millions celebrate him for using words and treating women in such a way that would get any other mortal man slapped, cursed out or sued? How can an athlete not have an ego when he knows that he’s doing things to your girl that your girl won’t even do with you? If you put someone on a pedestal long enough, eventually they’ll believe they were meant to be there. They’ll also believe that you belong at their feet.
Whoredom:
Groupies are like roaches—give ‘em room and they multiply. (And like roaches, groupies spread their share of diseases.) Lookit, it’s bad enough for a little girl to come up seeing men treat women like dirt; but it’s worse for that girl to see women voluntarily behaving like whores, sluts, etc. and embracing the degrading, anti-female BS this society puts on women. At some point that kid will start believing misogyny is part and parcel of femininity. At some point, she’ll see cockteasing as a valid side-hustle. At some point, she’ll see throwing skirt at athletes and celebrities as a cool hobby. At some point, she’ll equate being a groupie with being a woman. And that’s when the real fun starts…
Because birds of a feather flock, chances are, that girl will only get with the most juvenile and self-destructive knuckleheaded males she can find. She won’t respond to the “good men”—the one’s who don’t degrade her, the ones who don’t expect her to pull out her kneepads on the first date, the ones who want to treat her like a lady and as an equal. No, she’ll see those men as “soft” “not real”, “not black enough,” etc. Conversely, young boys seeking affection and trying to figure out what it means to be a man will grow up thinking that part of manhood is degrading women. After all, that’s all they’ve seen the average woman respond to. And together, they’ll both pass this nonsense onto future generations. It’ll be the blind leading the blind down a dark road.
So what’s the solution?
For starters, women are the foundation of the family and the community; so women have to step up and take a major role in this. So ladies: Go to the show. Buy the CD. Rock the jersey and support of your favorite player. Get the autograph, even. Have fun—you deserve to. But after that, go home. Quit stalking the athletes, ballers and celebs. Skip the afterparty and hotel lobby. Loose the kneepads and just go home. And when you get home, please work harder to see a man for the man that he actually is, not for the image he (or in most cases, his label and handlers, media, etc.) fronts. Recommit to connecting with men on a 1-on-1 level before you put out.
As for us men, we’ve got step up and recognize how this hustle hurts us, us, too. For generations we’ve been fed this BS notion that being a man, specifically being a black man, means degrading and marginalizing women; the result gives groupies air to breathe. We’ve gotta knock this. Women are not property, accessories, video hoes, or sex toys. Women were not created to be groupies. Seeing a woman as an equal and refusing to treat them as anything less—which is a big party of groupie life—doesn’t make you less of a man.
And just because a woman voluntarily engages in the behavior doesn’t let us off the hook for encouraging them and partaking in it. If your friend or family member is doing something that you know is destructive and degrading you don’t condone it—you step up and say “dude, this is wrong and I won’t be a part of this.” Groupiedom is no different. If you’re an artist or on the come up, you can turn down groupies. You can encourage them to demand better of themselves. Remember: Women didn’t create the groupie paradigm by themselves, they don’t perpetuate it by themselves and I don’t think they can knock this hustle solely by themselves. We have to get together then stick together and hold each other accountable for breaking this cycle. If we don’t, it’ll just keep on spinning.
And lastly, we need to watch what we teach our children and pass onto to the younger folks the community, especially our young girls. (I briefly touched on this last year in my joint, “What do we teach our Children about Hiphop?”) As parents, elders, etc. we can’t have anymore young girls growing up believing that being a groupie is part of being a woman or just an acceptable phase to go thru on the way to adulthood. We can’t have little boys growing up believing they can treat women in any kind of trifling way they feel. And we can’t have aspiring athletes and entertainers believing that women are just there to worship and cater to them once they blow up.
Once again, women are the foundation of our communities and we can’t allow them to be commoditized into the product we call groupies. We’ve got to encourage groupies to grow up and become women and we’ve got to encourage all involved to stop treating women as groupies.
Hadji Williams is author of the upcoming KNOCK THE HUSTLE: HOW TO SAVE YOUR JOB AND YOUR LIFE FROM CORPORATE AMERICA, hiphop’s first success guide for business, culture and life. Email him: author@knockthehustle.com and get free excerpts and more at www.knockthehustle.com.
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